A Birthday to Be Celebrated

For those who are new here, I write a birthday post every year. Now, for those who are NOT new here, some info in this post may be the same from the past, but everything still rings true. 

When I turned 21 years old, I was in the hospital. I made a sign that said "Happy Birthday, Megan" with terrible stick figures of One Direction I drew and put it next to my bed the night before for when I woke up, it would be my birthday. And I felt so alone. That hospital visit was one of the worst of my life. No family, no friends, just me sleeping during groups and no one checking in on me. 

I never wanted to turn older. I was put in that hospital for taking too many sleeping pills on purpose. I was not suppose to turn 21. Or 22 or 23. I was set on that. Life was in no way worth living anymore. 

This year, I will be turning 28 years old. 7 years passed. That's a lot of years for someone who was pain each day. 2,555 days. Granted, that was not my last attempt on my life (READ MY FIRST BOOK!), but for some reason that birthday has stuck with me. My loneliest birthday. 

Since 2017, 4 years ago, I made a deal with myself: I will no longer be lonely on my birthday. I want to celebrate that I'm still here. I want to finally celebrate ME. 

That's why my birthdays for the past 4 years have been my absolute favorite day. I have a theme each year, I go all out. I have a birthday outfit, I invite friends who love me. 

I'm still having a crisis that I'm almost 30 years old (I'M STILL TRYING TO FIND MYSELF OMG 30?!?), but we won't mention that. This year, at least :) 

For the past 4 years have been on and off difficult for me, mostly in secret and behind the scenes. But I am not that 21 year old anymore. I am a new person. Each birthday shows something: I am loved and I also love me.

p.s. even though my birthday is July 25th, if any birthday pictures of you and I pop up, send them my way! I'd love to see them! 

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Top 5: June 2021

I haven’t done a Top 5 on this blog in over a year, I think. I wanted to do one today because I feel like sharing my favorite things! I write these in no particular order, by the way. I think all of these numbers are great in each of their own ways.

1) Detox Chlorophyll Tonic by Cocokind

(Picture from Cocokind.com)

I bought a sample pack of Cocokind's "Beauty Beverages", which included this detox tonic (it's the only Beauty Bev I've tried so far) but holy gosh, this stuff is GREAT. It's a powder that you mix with water and I thought it was going to be RANK because it contains greens and I'm super picky. I mixed mine up with a spoon (but some people say to mix it with a bottle blender) and it turned green with little black bits floating. It smelled like lemon Windex wipes. I then tasted it and honestly, it was good. I tasted the lemon the most, but it's not overpowering. Some reviews even said they put MORE lemon in their drink. I have a texture problem with my taste buds and the little black bits? COULDN'T EVEN TASTE THEM! No grainy bits at the end, but it does settle at the bottom, so keep a spoon by you. 

Well, it says "detox", so let me tell you. It is an 100% bathroom detox enabler. (I'M BEING HONEST, OKAY?!) But I felt SO good afterwards. I don't know how people drink this on the daily, unless they have no bathroom shame. More power to ya. But on my days off, this is going to be my fave.

(Picture from Cocokind.com)

2) Shag Haircuts

Did I put this on here because I, TOO, now have a shag haircut? Possibly. But I also super love them as a cut in general. I really want a copper color one day or maybe a funky color on my bangs, but one step at a time! I wanted to plug in my hairstylist, Jules, who gave me the haircut of my dreams. I honestly kind of wanted to get teary eyed because I haven't felt great about myself for YEARS, until this hair cut! If you live around Crystal Lake, IL or are willing to travel, Jules is SO GREAT!

 

(Contact Jules on Instagram: X)

3) BookTok

What is BookTok? It's just the book lovers side of Tik Tok. I get sucked in a lot, just watching people talk about books! I have yet to find a BookTok person who reads more than just fantasies, like me, but I probably haven't stumbled upon them yet. Fantasy gets old for me sometimes and I share books I'm reading on BookTok that aren't popular books, so I don't get many VIEWS or followers, but it's still fun! 

If you want to follow me: X

4) From the Backyard 

Yes, I DID just bluntly put that my summer store is on my Top 5 favorite things. If you're new in my life, I grow lavender in pots in my backyard. I started a few years ago making things with lemon balm and mint I grew in my backyard. I gradually worked my way into playing with lavender only. Every year, I perfect recipes, I play around, I make it more professional looking, ect. I usually sell via social media only.

THIS YEAR IS DIFFERENT! I decided to branch out, via a friend's note in my ear, and after searching for the perfect day and emailing multiple people and getting let down a few times, I BOOKED MY FIRST EVER CRAFT FAIR BOOTH! It will take place at the end of August and if you're reading this and have placed an order already through social media this year, I got you. You guys come first. I'm making new things this year, too: wax melts, lotion bars, and loofah soaps. My bestsellers are my lips scrubs! I can't explain it, but I have SUCH a fun time when I make my products. Craft fair, here I COME!

P.s. I started an Instagram for my shop: X

5) Number One Fan by MUNA

This song is from 2019...maybe? I think? But it kept popping up on my random Spotify playlists, and now I can't stop jamming to the darn song. The music video is terrible, so I found a YouTube video with the lyrics, in case you don't have Spotify: X

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Thanks for reading my top 5 for June 2021! You guys are my favorite!

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Mental Health Month 2021

 May is Mental Health Awareness Month. During Covid-19 last year, I wrote some posts about helping your mental health and what I was doing to keep as positive as could. I thought I'd write another post on little tips and stats that I've come across recently about mental health. It's always good to learn, especially about something that affects people you know, and maybe even you, yourself. 

I will be basing this post on NAMI's "You're Not Alone" campaign for May 2021. I'm a big advocate of NAMI as I worked with them before and it was a life changing experience. 

I hope you guys get something out of this post! 

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Facts by NAMI that are important:

-50% of all lifetime mental illness begins by age 14, and 75% by age 24

-1 in 20 U.S. adults experiences a serious mental illness each year, but less than two-thirds get treatment

-The overall suicide rate in the U.S. has increased by 35% since 1999

- 20.5% of people experiencing homelessness in the U.S. have a serious mental health condition

What "You're Not Alone" means to me

I always used to say that I was alone. No one in the children's ward had bipolar. I yelled at people I didn't know, just to push them away. I degraded people I DID know because no one understood me. Even though I had my family, I was struggling alone. I didn't know any other way to act or to be; I had tons of friends but I had no one who I could relate to or with. I told my middle school best friend my "secret" of my mental health issues and she said "yikes" then walks away, hand in hand with her boyfriend (that friendship fizzled from there, by the way). 

It was like I was in a white room packed with people smiling at me but all I could concentrate on was my brain screaming about how much I hated the color white. 

When I turned 23, things started to look up. It was like my eyes were finally opened, albeit probably pried. I could see the people around me who loved me for ME. They were there for ME. Don't ask me why, but people cared about ME. When people ask how I've gotten through some tough times, I always reply with "a support system". I also never realized how many people deal with mental health issues until I looked at the world around me. Friends, family, and even celebrities are starting to speak out about mental health. That's so commendable. Of course, there are still people who don't "believe" in bad mental health and for those people, that is the reason I talk. Invalidating people who are hurting is ignorant. I'm so open now because I believed I was always by myself, always lonely. 

That's why "You're Not Alone" is a phrase that I wish I had when I was a kid. Sometimes things get lonely, but I promise you, you're not alone. 

_____

Tips on Springtime self care

-The weather is getting nicer: GO FOR WALKS! With or without music, fresh air is good for you (says me)

-Start a book (or an audiobook!). Don't set a time to finish the book by. Go at leisurely pace and read a page a day. Or listen to an hour of an audiobook a day. You do what YOU want to do. 

-Try new morning drinks. Try a new coffee at home (I'm about to try vanilla bean coffee with peppermint mocha creamer. Will it be good? We'll see, but it's fun to try!) Seep different teas and mix them or have a tea-tasting party for one! Something new in the morning is a good way to get you up and about. 

-Sit on a bench. Notice things. The wind, the steps of the person walking their dog, the birds chirping. Mindfulness is a GREAT way to let go and relax (sometimes I feel like I'm going to fall asleep but I don't even CARE anymore; I love it)

-Light a candle during a time you usually don't. I used to light my candles only at night. It's 12:40 pm right now and I'm currently lighting my grapefruit mint birch candle. It could be JUST me, but candles makes me so happy and the nice smell makes me more relaxed. Just a little change in routine keeps things interesting! 

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How to seek out help

I know people and friends who have severe mental health struggles. A lot of them refuse to seek help. Why? Their anxiety is too bad, they think they don't need help, and some don't even want to attempt to get better for their own reasons. 

I will never tell people what to do when it comes to mental health, I only know what I've done and what I've been through. People often think I'm a doctor. I am not. I get drained easily (which is why I'm NOT a mental health doctor). It takes a lot out of me because I treat each friend's issue as my own. Someone once blamed me for their suicide attempt, even though I knew nothing about it, and I still get upset by it. 

I can not tell you what to do, like I said, but PLEASE, if you notice something is wrong or someone has told you something similar, don't be afraid to get help from a professional. Your friends are NOT your paid therapists. Yes, I will ALWAYS be open to talk, but when things get difficult, I cannot be the one to help you. Your friends cannot "fix you" or "cure you". Therapy has been my saving grace and you may need to go through a couple of them to find your match, but seeking help is how you help yourself and others.

Here are some links if you're currently stuck on where to start:

Psychology Today 

NAMI help line: 800-950-NAMI

Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

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Remember, you are NOT ALONE. Please take care of yourselves!

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6 Years of Reflecting

 

I’d like to start off this post with a simple trigger warning. I will be talking about my mental health and even though this blog is meant for pretty surface level things, this post is anything but.

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6 years ago, in 2015, I remember lying on my bed after kissing my mother on the cheek in the chair she sat in downstairs. I had taken approximately 10 anti-depression/anti-mania/help my bipolar pills. I also took them with some sleeping pills. It was in the middle of the day but I was tired. Tired of being stuck. Tired of the fighting in my brain. Tired of the pain.

 

I have been diagnosed with bipolar since I was 14 years old. Depression since I was 7. I was no stranger to the demons in my head. They’ve been there for years, telling me I wasn’t worthy of being loved. I wasn’t worthy of being alive. I was always trying to sit in the rain or be immersed in the bathtub, fully clothed, during that time. Maybe it was me trying to drown those thoughts, to stop them all together.

 

On that eventful day, after closing my eyes with my goodbye note next to me, I finally was getting what I wanted: peace.

 

If you’ve read my first book, you know what came next. If you haven’t, I’ll explain it quickly: My mother found me before I could drift off to sleep and everything was in slow motion after that: the phone call to 911, my mom screaming that I couldn’t leave her, and then when the paramedics showed up, putting up my hand and making them wait as I gathered up my purse.

 

I won’t get into how my organs were almost damaged and then I went through shock therapy (READ MY BOOK!) but I went through hell. I won’t sugar coat that.

 

Fast forward to 2021. I still can’t believe it’s been 6 years because even with my memory stolen from me, I remember that journey like it was last year. I don’t want to give a spiel of “IT GETS BETTER! GIVE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME! YOU CAN FIND HAPPINESS!” because I don’t think that’s what this post is about. I don’t want to give anyone false hope that you can “grow out of” bipolar (which one doctor told me to do recently...). I still have times where I want to end things like I did in 2015. I’ve even tried once, last year.

 

But those demons are mostly gone. I have negative thoughts sometimes, yes, but I can no longer hear the voice in my head saying “killing yourself will bring you so much happiness. Finally, you can be happy.”

 

I don’t want to get too much into my thoughts now, because even though I’m pretty open, my current feelings are personal to me (I don’t even tell my therapist, honestly...). I do want to take this day to reflect. I don’t like to question “what if” anymore because I can’t change what I’ve been through. I have traumatic flashbacks and IVs and needles give me panic attacks now but there’s no going back. I want to accept myself and my journey. I want improve myself. I want help.

 

What are you suppose to get out of this post? At the very least, I would like it if you guys reflected a bit on your mental health, too. You don’t have to meditate or do anything big, but I want to share this healing with you guys. It matters what you’ve been through and it certainly matters what you’re going to go through. If you haven’t reached for help, but need it, I will link some sources below. I want to share this day with someone, not only because YOU matter, but I finally realized: I matter, too.

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Crisis Text Line: Text "HOME" to 741741

Suicide Prevention Hotline

NAMI HelpLine

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The Newest Pop Princess is All Scraped Up

 

The Chicago artist, Goof, is no stranger to Megan Hubrex's blog. I interviewed her in August 2020 (here's the link in case you missed it: X) and since then, Goof has grown. 

"With help from friends who are talented producers coupled with years of songwriting and poetry experience, this new artist is hitting the ground running. The voice behind Goof, Natalie Taylor Carioti, spent her college years studying Musical Theatre and is so excited for her own work to be heard - from songs that make you ugly cry to bops made for blasting. Goof hopes that by releasing truthful music, they can help others find songs they connect to and bring comfort and a safe space for all. Goof’s mission is making Pop for the People."

Natalie AKA Goof has 3 released singles at this current time and their newest single, All Scraped Up, is what I'm here to focus on (because I could literally write a full blog post on each song, but I WON'T!)

I had the complete honor to listen to All Scraped Up a day before it got released to the world. As I was sitting on my bed, playing this 80's-influenced song with retro keyboard sounds blasting through my Google Home, I IMMEDIATELY knew this song will be on repeat for ages. 

All Scraped Up brings lyrics of "a little escape from everyday life with growing older, losing love, and trying to find your place in this world". It's a catchy beat and the chorus of

 "I'm all scraped up, in my body, in my heart, and in my soul" 

is something I cannot stop singing. Goof has explained this song as well as ever: "“Pairing the sensitive lyrics with the upbeat happy pop sound is supposed to represent how people suffer in silence and put on a brave face to hide their demons. This song itself is like the mask people wear when struggling with something they’re not proud of. I hope it shows people that they’re not alone in how they feel and that I have the same scary thoughts too."

Goof has always had a voice for singing, ever since I followed her old band, The Isherwoods. The musical theater alumni has chosen the right path: creating music and creating pure art. I attended Goof's YouTube concert in February and right afterwards I told my mom, "Natalie's voice is just so good."

And let me tell you, All Scraped up is a song where you want to dance to it while drinking a Redbull Vodka with a disco ball lights flashing around the room (or uh...is that just me who does that?) Either way, this coming-of-age song really shows that

 Goof is our newest Pop Princess

 and I bow down.

____

Here are some important links for Goof:

Instagram: X

All Scraped Up new single on Spotify: X

Goof's Spotify Page: X

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Current Bedroom Tour

 Hello friends! 

I've recently been obsessed with making my bedroom look perfect. I still live with my parents at this moment in time, so my bedroom is all I have to decorate. 

I painted my own room in 2011 for the first time: dark blue walls and a British Flag on the big wall. I do admit, it was...strange because I'm American, but I loved everything British at that time. IT WAS A PHASE OKAY?! But it was actually a huge hit when people visited and it became who I was. "Megan with a British room". I worked so darn hard on it and I was all by myself doing it, so I loved when people thought it was cool. Also, shoutout to my parents for giving me artistic freedom for that. I didn't know how lucky I was until now!

Then I turned 26. I was so tired of the dark walls and it was just so not me anymore. I mean, One Direction will always be in my heart, but my flag wall had run it's course. I looked online and knew right away what I wanted:

WHITE WALLS! HOW POSH!

I decided on white semi gloss walls with pink and gold accents all around. And when I sound smart and say "white semi gloss", I really meant "I HAD NO IDEA WHAT PAINT TO CHOOSE SO I CHOSE THE ONE THAT WAS THE CHEAPEST."

I honestly had no idea what in the world I was doing (primer? We need primer?) and it took about 3 coats and 5 coats for the flag wall. By the end, I have given up and never wanted to be a painter ever again. Thank God for my friend Ashley who came and helped because I don't like ladders...so....I made Ashley paint the really high part with the ladder. LOVE YOU, ASHLEY!

I bought all new furniture, except for my dresser, and I made sure it was all white (with the occasional gold). All in all, I worked so hard on my new room. The painting on the walls isn't perfect, but I'm over that now because I am now trying my best to make my room look professional/posh/minimalist/comfy. 

Well, I've never been a minimalist, so I really shouldn't say that....

I can't explain it, but my bedroom is a piece of me and I take pride on making it look nice. 

So, I decided to let you guys see some pictures of my room (that I am, astonishingly, still working on). But people on Snapchat liked the bedroom pictures, so I thought I'd share them here, too! Just a PSA, my room is pretty small but I pack it a bit...so I'm not showing everything, just my favorite parts!

(My picture wall with a Twilight Eclipse picture, a Little Women quote, a mental health quote, and a Harry Styles collage made by my friend Ruaa!) (I also decorated my bookshelf for Easter, hence the garland)

(I had been looking high and low for a mirror tray and my friend Desiree found the PERFECT one for me! I added my Chanel lipstick, some gold rings, my engraved pocket mirror, and some tiny crystals with gold leaf on them)

(My favorite part of my room: my bookcases The small one under the mirror is my books I haven't read, the tall case is all the books I read and liked enough to keep. I love decorating my bookcase with friends' art, holiday decorations, and cards I get!)

(My bed/my reading nook. I have Harry Styles ALL over my room! The left picture was handmade for me, and I framed Harry's Vogue cover. I also framed the Lady Bird movie vinyl because I love that movie)

(My dresser, that I'm repainting white this spring, with my pink and gold assets. I have a thing for cool mirrors, so lots of mirrors in my room. Harry Styles is, once again, blessing us in this picture but in drawing form. NOT PICTURED: a vase with my hand-grown lavender and a sea shell from Maine that was painted with gold leaf. Those are cool.)

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I also have a writing desk that I am currently occupying where I keep most of my candles and paints, but I'm trying to organize it better, so no picture of that yet. Also, my room looks so big in these pictures? Trust me, I can't even workout in my room, it's so small! 

Can I put in here that I hate the pandemic and can't wait for friends to come over and gossip and dance in my room like old times? UGH.

Anyway, I hope you liked this random post of my favorite things in my room! 

Have a great day, guys!

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My Current Skin Care Routine

 I know, I know. I'm not a beauty blogger, nor will I ever be. But I've decided to write this post with my past self in mind. 

Also, a lot of people ask how I'm keeping my skin so clear, so this post is for you guys, too!

Most of my middle school and high school years consisted of my face being so full of cysts and pimples that it was a red and purple color. There are very minimal pictures from this time because I just absolutely hated myself and mostly my skin. 

I was on all type of medications for my skin, including cream and birth control that was solely for the purpose of clearing my pimples. I tried ProActive and Murad systems and that did nothing for me. I couldn't go on Acutane because of the terrible side effects, so I was stuck. All I did was wash my face and put on face cream that peeled my skin 24/7 (SO embarrassing).

I finally got put on an oral medication that did wonders and cleared my skin during my senior year of high school. Of course, I still had some acne, because I didn't know what a "skin care routine" was at that time. 

Fast-forward me being in my late 20's. My skin has cleared of most pimples (besides when I get my time of the month...then my skin hates me again) but if you look close to my actual face, there is SO much of my skin that is not clear, including blackheads and huge pores from having cystic acne. But pimples on a day to day basis? 

THEY ARE GONE!!!

I wanted to share what skin routine had changed my LIFE. I didn't think I would ever be this confident in my own skin (literally). I DO have to put a PSA here that everyone's skin is different and what worked for mine, might not work for yours. But I promise you that you'll find what you need via the company I'm about to talk about! 

Cocokind

That name was brought up to me when my friend and I were talking about how my pimples were coming back and I had never had an actual skin care routine before; should I try one? He practically yelled at me that I need to try Cocokind. He told me it is a vegan skin care line and about how they really care about their products.

So of course, I looked them up online. Then ordered right there on the spot. I didn't know exactly what I was looking for (skin care newbie here!), but Cocokind's Instagram had a few posts on what product is good for what skin type and what goes first on the skin!

I did once make a video on Instagram about what Cocokind projects I use, but I have an update on that, so this post is the most up-to-date Megan Hubrex Skincare Routine. I tried taking pictures of me WHILE doing skin things, but they turned out weird, so I'm going to just post pictures of my actual products I use. 

So let's dive deep into my very non-professional way of taking care of my skin (you read that, right? I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL! I am a very simple person who just likes my skin to be clear.)

1) Cleanser

I use Cetaphil.

 Cheaper than Cocokind cleansers (I have never tried them, though!) but also it has worked for my skin for years now. It never dries me out, so I stick to it. 

2) Toner

Rosewater Facial Toner by Cocokind.

I get out a cotton ball, spray 3 pumps of toner on the cotton, then run it from bottom to top on my face, making sure I get the side of my nose by my nose ring. Make sure to let it dry on your face before the next step (it doesn't take long). 

3) Oil

Organic Facial Repair Oil by Cocokind. 

I used to be a huge face lotion fan. Except, I could never find one that wouldn't dry after an hour. I just used lotion because I though that was all there was. INTRODCING: OIL! I use this exact oil and I honestly think it's what has kept my pimples at bay. It also makes my skin smooth for HOURS.
After the toner has dried, I only use ONE pump of the oil because it spreads easily. I rub it between my fingers, then in circles, rub it all over my face, getting in every crevice. 

4) Moisturizer

Matcha Face Moisturizer by Cocokind.

If you're close to me, you know I shave my face and neck (darn PCOS!) but I ALWAYS get rashes and scarring on my neck. I never knew if it was due to my razor or lotion that I put on it. Which, by the way, most lotions would STING when I put it on a newly shaved area, so I never had luck with good lotions there. But along comes the Matcha face cream and my neck has a new life (minus the scarring that will always be there  *sad face*). I want to warn you that it is a very heavy cream! I use very little of it on my neck and it takes away all the rash and all the dry spots. Even my boss who dislikes everyone said my skin looked "really good"! 

P.s. I also use just a dot of this moisturizer on the sides of my mouth and in between my eyebrows because those are really dry spot on my face.

___

I do want to put down 2 other products that I own and I don't see them working (on me at least!)

-Pore Refining Concentrate by Cocokind. It's suppose to make pores look better. Apparently, nothing makes my huge pores better, because I haven't seen any improvement with this product. 

-Revitalizing Eye Cream by Cocokind. I bought this right when it came out because I have dark circles. REALLY bad dark circles. They said it won't cure dark circles, but I wanted to see if it did anything to improve them. Nope. I have used it in different ways (AKA I patted it down, I rubbed it, ect) under my eyes and nothing has come of it. I'd don't have actual bags under my eyes, just circles. Maybe that's what is making it...not work? I don't know. 

**I DO OWN THE SPF BUT HAVE NOT USED IT YET, SO I CAN'T SAY IF I LIKE IT!**

*ALSO: I'm not getting paid for this! I actually got denied to work with them (LOL), but I still love them!*

Here are some places you can buy Cocokind Products:

Target
Whole Foods

Ulta

(There is a store locator on their website here: X)

Their Website: X

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