Learning About Loneliness

 I was doing my daily scrolling on Facebook on January 28th 2021 when I, for some reason, stopped at Mental Health America's most recent Facebook post:

I don't really talk about it much, or ever I think....but I definitely feel lonely a lot. I don't want to get into my whole personal backstory of loneliness, but during this pandemic, I have definitely suffered. So when I saw this post, I immediately clicked to register and found out it was FREE (which many webinars aren't these days because they're trying to make money up from Covid loss. I totally get it.)

I got a Starbucks then came back home to enjoy this 2.5 hour conversation with different panelists. I got my notebook out and ended up writing 3 PAGES OF NOTES. Geez, Megan. There were different panelists which meant different facts, so cut me some slack. I knew I wanted to write a blog post for people who would like a summary of what I learned, so here's what I learned about isolation and loneliness.

**PSA: A LOT OF THIS WEBINAR WAS ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH IN GENERAL, SO THAT IS TALKED ABOUT, TOO**

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Just like other mental health issues, loneliness doesn't discriminate. 

Gen-Z (6 years old to 24 years old) are deemed the loneliest age group. When questioned with "why", all the panelists either had no answer but one of them said there is no definitive date on why younger generations are 65% more lonely than baby boomers, which are 45%.

The first panelist, Patrick Corrigan, PhD, jumped right into it after he was asked a question and said something I really enjoyed:

"The real question is,  why doesn't our world support mental health challenges?" 

He then used the word "challenges" instead of "issues" throughout the time, which I found interesting. 
Patrick then said "people with mental health challenges aren't only depressed, people are telling them they need to be ashamed, too" as he talked about how mental health issues aren't seen clearly enough.

Clarence Jordan, MBA, talked about peer support to combat loneliness. He said that people NEED to talk about the positives in their lives and NEED to talk about their strengths. People are encouraged to take part in peer support. 

Which then, I was like "I  have rarely heard about peer support" and then the whole dang webinar was about peer support after that (I'll get more into it later).

It was brought up how more mental services are in need, which I agreed with. I looked for so many therapists in my area and NONE are taking new clients. It's easy to give up when you don't feel like even a therapist wants to help you (but that's my wild mind...). Having other people say that we are in need since the pandemic started really put into place that it wasn't ME they didn't want. 

A wonderful panelist named Kirsten Kaiser gave some tips that have helped her through her loneliness:

*Write letters/cards
*Phone calls

*Social contact in general (as Kirsten puts it: "it's just plain good for you".)
*Make little goals for yourself

*Let people know what's wrong or what's going on with you

Then the peer support group discussion started and I had to look up the definition because no one explained it and I was lost:

"Peer support occurs when people provide knowledge, experience, emotional, social or practical help to each other."

I still don't know if it's trained people or friends, or both. 

 

Patrick Hendry, VP of Peer Advocacy, questioned his support groups as "are we improving people's quality of life?" With support groups, it's all about human connection and hoping they become a part of the community.

It made me want to start a support group....kind of....

The last speaker, Louise Hawkley, NORC, stated that loneliness can become deadly. We, as human beings, need social interactions. Loneliness can bring negative thoughts and you can feel like no one is including you. You have to realize that a friendship is always a two way street, and you do have to put in your share. 

Louise then begins to explain that collective connectiveness means "a sense of belonging" and that loneliness is a stigma that we're "failing as a person."

I personally never thought of loneliness as a stigma until I realized today that I have never really talked about being lonely to anyone. Maybe I was afraid to saying it? I'm not quite sure.

It was brought up at the end that to combat loneliness, there is no solution that will help everybody. 

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I did take away a lot from this event but I was disappointed there weren't more examples on how to help people who are lonely. 

SO I'M GOING TO ADD SOME OF MY OWN!

Tips to be a little less lonely during a pandemic:

*Zoom coffee dates 

*Zoom wine dates
*Zoom clubs (writing, books, anything)
*Phone calls (which I need to answer my phone more...sorry Lisa and Lindsey...)
*Go into Starbucks to pick up your drink, but mask up!
*Make Valentine's card and mail them! Maybe you'll get a letter or a card back (my favorite part)
*Go for a walk and actually smile at the people who pass you. You can do it.

I'm always threatening that I'm going to start up my "grateful journal" that I own and today, I think I'll actually do it. 

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Resolutions

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

I'm sure this year will be at least slightly better than last year...here's hoping and wishing! 

Someone asked me on December 31st what my new years resolutions are. I honestly never make them, because I know myself. I break promises with myself all the time (although, I never do it with other people. I should work on that...) But I told her what came to my mind and she shared some personal goals with me, too, and it was really touching. 

I decided to make a post on my resolutions because maybe then I'll stick to them? Question mark?

So here we go, a short post, in no particular order!

1) Saying Sober. So many people have read my last post about Dry January (one of my biggest reads on this blog EVER) and I made a podcast episode about how I'm doing so far. For those who don't listen to podcasts, I'll break it down: I started December 26th and when writing this, it is January 2nd. Exactly a week without something I used to do every night. It's harder than I thought, and I hope I make it through January. A lot of people tell me I'm "crazy" for trying to cut out drinking, and I'm not a huge fan of hearing that. I just don't want it to go farther than it was going and ruin my life. Is that so bad? Anyway, it's been a week of me in my room at night, triggering some kind of senses, and wanting to chug vodka. BUT I HAVEN'T BOUGHT ALCOHOL YET! So my resolution is to stay sober as long as I can!

2) Plan Better. I'm an awful planner. It's weird because I have a schedule and you have to usually be on my schedule for me to hang out (pre covid) or have a zoom date (during covid). "Go to the post office" or "Work at 5:30" is ALL on my calendar. But for some reason, I have a hard time planning, which I swear is totally different. I do some things on whims and that's not always smart. For example, I want to release my new paperbacks at the end of January, but I get SO impulsive too many times where I'm like "it's January 2nd! I'LL RELEASE THEM NOW!" 

So I bought a little planner and a weekly sticky note pad where I write things out!

(My favorite weekly planner. From the new collection Noted collection at Target)

(This planner comes with cute stickers and enough space to write things! A Target find!)

I've only had them for a less then a week so far and I'm loving the sticky notes so much. I have crossed out things I need to get done as I get them done early, which might defeat the purpose of writing them on certain days, but oh well! 

 3) Have my book tour go well. Now, this isn't particularly a resolution, just a wish I'm putting out there. I think half of this falls under "plan better" but the other half is me working my butt off. I shouldn't be so nervous or scared because the people attending are there to see me talk about things, which is an honor. But here I am, BEING NERVOUS. 

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I could never do the whole "go to the gym all the time" or "spend less money", because like I said, I wouldn't do it. Although the money thing is something I need to work on, too...

I hope this year brings happiness in your life! Thanks for reading this lil' old blog! 

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