Mental Health Awareness 2020

I wanted to save this post until the last day of May 2020. 

The last day of Mental Health Awareness Month of this year.

Why didn't I post earlier? Maybe on May 1st? Well, because even though Mental Health Awareness Month is helpful to stop the stigma, we need to keep the conversation going 24/7, 365. 

I have written a book about my mental health and my journey with it early on (you can click HERE to buy my book! Or just check it out! Whatever you please!). But I haven't really talked about it on this blog. I never wanted to "taint" this positive blog with what I'm mentally going through. Who wants to read about that?

Well, I think it's time I spoke about what I have to my blog followers and how I cope. Nothing too negative, even though mental health isn't all daisies and rainbows.

So let's start:

I am not bipolar 2. I HAVE bipolar 2. Mental illness is not who I am as a person, it's just something that tags along with me. 

And I'd like to talk about bipolar in this post. 

Long story very short, I was diagnosed with depression when I was around 7 years and at 14 years old, I was diagnosed bipolar. 

There is bipolar 1 and bipolar 2. I have 2. What's the difference? Here's what it is according to Google:

"The main difference between bipolar 1 and bipolar 2 disorders lies in the severity of the manic episodes caused by each type. A person with bipolar 1 will experience a full manic episode, while a person with bipolar 2 will experience only a hypomanic episode (a period that's less severe than a full manic episode)"

But according to ME, bipolar 2 has more anger and more depression stages than bipolar 1. I'm NOT a doctor though, it's just what I've found out in my 12 years living with it so far. 

I never had hypomania until 2019. 11 years after being diagnosed. This is hypomania is according to Google:

"A hypomanic episode is an emotional state characterized by a distinct period of persistently elevated, expansive, or irritable mood, lasting throughout at least four (4) consecutive days. The mood must be present for most of the day, nearly every day"

I freaked the freak out when I had my first episode. WHAT was going on? I never had this elated feeling before where I was shaking and couldn't calm down. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't stop checking my phone. 

That was when I started my manic episodes. I have them more and more now. I don't know why. But they have interfered with my job before (just no one knows because I don't tell anyone).

I honestly haven't had one since February but I still can't control them. The thing is, it's still HYPOmania, not real mania. I'm not driving to California on whim (although I think of doing it...), I'm just shaking and scared and I don't know anyone who can help. So I have to let the episodes run it's course and it can be really unnerving. 

My mom said once, bipolar is sometimes not 'day by day' but 'minute by minute' . I agree. 

I'm going to be transparent and tell you guys that I have taken mood stabilizers since I was 7 years old. I STILL take them. It takes a while to find the right one or the right combo, but I stuck with it and as of right now, I'm in a good place. 

I still had terrible days, of course, but I don't want to end my life anymore. I used to want that so bad. But hey, I would miss Harry Styles WAY too much, okay?!

AND NOW, I'd like to tell you how I'm getting by these crazy days!

(P.s. if you told 14 year old Megan that I would be using coping skills in my life, she would have either laughed in your face or gotten so angry that she would have spit while she swore at you. She wasn't the nicest....)

Here's a list of things that keep me a bit more sane:

1) Having a support system. People always tell me they don't have a support system. They don't have a family member to talk with, a friend to turn to, or a doctor to help. It always makes me sad. I never knew I was really lucky until a couple years ago. I have my mom, who is my best friend and my biggest hero. I have my friends, who are always there to cheer me up. And I have my doctor, who is on my side to helping me get better.

2) The art of talking. I don't want to START the conversation of mental health because I think it already has been started. I want to CONTINUE  it. With my book and social media in general, I am not afraid to tell my story. I am not scared to say I'm struggling. I think one reason I am on this Earth is to be a friend and to help stop the stigma. LET'S KEEP TALKING ABOUT IT!! 

3) Medication. I know many people who refuse to take medications. Either because they think it's poisoning their body or they just don't think they work for them. Trust me, I felt the same way when I was younger. But my mood stabilizers have saved me. Medications help me have a clearer path on this road of life. It took YEARS to find the ones that were good for me, so if you don't think they work, please at least give them the chance if you are willing! If you still don't want to take them, that's definitely your choice. 

4) Having a hobby. We all need a hobby, no matter how stubborn you are. You don't even have to be good at it! Just something that you enjoy. My hobby is writing. I really like my fingers hitting the keyboard and then somehow coming up with a really good written piece. It's magical to me. I love seeing everyone try new hobbies (god knows I've tried hundreds it feels like!). Having something I enjoy doing makes my heart happy. Also, people keep saying I'm "good at writing", so I guess I'll keep at it ;)

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I want to end this by saying that my email is always open of anyone wants to ask a question at all or want to tell me anything that you need to get off your chest about mental health!! You can email me HERE. If you liked this post, please leave a comment and let me know if you learned anything! I was very much scared to write this on my blog, so I hope you guys liked it!

 

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Top 5: May 2020

Hello all!

I feel like I always say the same thing: "I haven't done a Top 5 in a while!" 

 

I really enjoy sharing things with you guys (...hence, why I have a blog...) but these are my personal favorites.

I do have to mention that I NEVER get paid for telling you guys what I like. I may sometimes receive something in the mail, but I wouldn't put it in my top 5 if I didn't like it. I WOULD NEVER DECEIVE YOU GUYS! 

I feel like I've discovered so many new things that I like since quarantine started but I'll try and keep it to 5. So lets go!

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1) Fuji Apple Sparkling Water. I hate seltzer and I hate sparkling water. BUT WAIT! I apparently never drank the right kind. I found a Fuji Apple by Market Pantry at Target and it sounded good and was only 79 cents. I now buy it all the time. No calories, no carbs. Amazing. 

2) Handmade Jewelry. I just...can't stop buying jewelry! I love shopping small, as in small businesses. They make the unique things and since they're smaller, they (USUALLY) don't charge $60 for a necklace. I wanted to show you what I've recently bought and have been obsessed with. 

- Grace Eleanor Jewelry. 

Grace Stark makes rings out of SPOONS! It is the coolest and cutest thing of my life. The gold ring that is on my ring finger was made from a gold spoon handle and I can't stop wearing it. Grace customized it to my size and everything. I can't gush about this shop enough! You HAVE to buy through Instagram though, now website yet! 

You can follow her and check her out HERE

-Designs by Emme. 

 

You can only buy her items through Instagram (no website yet) BUT OH MY GOSH! I saw this necklace and knew I had to have it! It might be kind of hard to tell around my neck, but it's rose gold beads with little crystal beads made into a choker! Emily is so sweet and she altered it to my size (because God only knows I have a chunky neck). 10/10 would recommend. 

Follow her and check her out HERE

-Shop Beez Kneez

This beautiful jewelry shop made these wire star earrings that I can't stop wearing. They also have headbands and other earrings! They are faith based and I LOVE THAT! They wrote the sweetest little message on my envelope when I got the earrings too. 

Shop Beez Kneez website HERE

Shop Beez Instagram HERE

-True Friend Designs

These earrings don't show it because of the filter (and I can't find the unfiltered picture...) but these are turquoise beaded earrings! The design shop owner, Sig, is the loveliest person you'll ever meet. Her Etsy has all kinds of different handmade jewelry!

AND if you enter 'MEGAN10' at checkout, you get 10% off your purchase!

Check out True Friend Designs HERE

3) Making internet friends. SO, I'm been trying to make my Instagram better and create a following (which is HARD by the way!) But this Instagram journey has given me some new friends too! I follow people on Instagram who inspire me and I'm so honored they even want to talk to me, to be quite frank. HONORED. But I wanted to share some of my new friends and their Instagram accounts in case you want to check them out too! 

- Gab from ChasingSwans_

I met Gabriel and instantly became in love with her content. She is one of the most talented artists too. Whenever we DM each other, I know I'm going to come out of the conversation smiling. 

- Amira from the_sweetlife_of_Amirarabah

Amira and I connected a short time ago too but oh my gosh, she is GREAT. Her Instagram feed is beautiful and so is her heart! One of the sweetest people I've met!

- Hannah from Hannahjenea

Hannah and her content really inspire me in a way that she doesn't need to go to Hawaii to take amazing pictures (although, Hawaii would be GREAT). She also always comments on my pictures and really takes time to read my captions and that reflects on what a kind soul she is!

4) Ring Light. Where I have been without a ring light! If you are in the mood to take pictures if yourself in a better light, A RING LIGHT IS A GODSEND. I purchases a mini one from Walmart that attaches to your own tripod (it doesn't come with a tripod) but it was cheaper for me. It still works SO well, even though it's smaller. I can't even imagine what kind of picture lighting a big ring light would have...

This is the exact one I bought: X

5) Wild Fable Sunglasses. Yes, another Target item. Target needs to hire me or something. BUT I have had SO many people tell me how much they love my new sunglasses from the brand Wild Fable. My mom even bought a pair she loved them so much! I like to think it makes me look like a cross of Elton John and Harry Styles. I love it. 

Here's the link to buy them: X

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I hope you guys enjoyed this jam packed top 5 this month! I have some ideas for some future posts but would love it if you would comment and tell me what you'd like to read from me! 

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If the Internet Says So (Beauty Edition)

Internet ads are everywhere. Especially during this quarantine phase. I have been getting SO many beauty advertisements on Instagram that I never knew possible. 

I decided to do it. I decided to give in. I GAVE IN TO THE ADVERTISEMENTS!

I knew I wanted to do a blog post where I tried things and gave a review on them because my reviews are very honest and people actually tell me they enjoy those type of posts. 

I wanted to give a disclaimer to the new people who are reading this: I am NOT a makeup and skin care guru. I just like trying my best! Also, I don't give ratings such as 7/10 or 5 stars because I would rather write up what I learned. 

So, here I am! I bought a few things that kept popping up on my feed: Glossier, Winky Lux, and Billie. 

I want to make this into a mini series because I've ordered more internet things to review but they're not here yet and I didn't want to make this post too long.

I do want to say that I didn't buy just anything that I came across. If they seems sketchy or too pricey or just not really worth it, I didn't buy it. I'm also NOT SPONSORED! I mean, I wish I was, but I'm not so all opinions are my own. 

Let's start off this review post, shall we?

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Glossier

What I bought: Nightshine (Platinum Rose) and Cloud Paint (Puff)

Where to buy: X

Nightshine: This is a liquid highlighter and I have been looking everywhere for one as good as Bleach London's. Bleach's got gross and old really fast but it was my favorite highlighter I've ever had. I bought this in Platinum Rose and I tried it out after I put on my foundation. It was a beautiful color when I swatched it on my hand, but didn't really show up great on my face. Maybe I dabbed too much with my makeup sponge? It just didn't make me GLOW like I wanted. 

Cloud Paint: This is a liquid blush. I haven't used blush since middle school, so I decided why not try and spice things up. Cloud Paint is the most common Glossier product I hear about. When I got it, I put a swatch of it in my hand and it was really hard to blend. I was afraid it would not go well on my face. But when I put it on below my highlight and used my makeup sponge, it  gave me a nice pink color and I was surprised how nice it looked! I don't put too much on because I have a usually red face but it gives it a nice pink tint. 

(This is me with both products on and no filter)

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Winky Lux

What I bought: Peeper Perfect (Under eye concealer) and Glitter Puff (Pink Cloud)

Where to buy: X

Peeper Perfect: I have dark circles. They look like someone punched me in the face and I try my best to edit them out of my pictures because I'm so embarrassed of them. I have tried eye masks and nothing ever gets rid of them. I decided to try this concealer made especially for under your eyes to hide dark circles. When I put it on, it came on strong and I dabbed with the tip of my finger to make sure I covered my whole under eye. It covered it well enough, but I still felt like my dark circles were peaking through. I just don't think this was a strong enough color for me. 

(The left eye is with the concealer! No other makeup is on)

Glitter Puff: I love glitter makeup. I wear it on my hair when I go to every single concert. I put it on my arms when I go to a party. I just love it. So I decided to try this glitter in a tube type of thing. WARNING: IT WILL GET EVERYWHERE! It comes in a pump and when I went to do one pump on my arm, it literally came out in a puff and it definitely wasn't directed on one spot. It went on the floor, on my counter, but a lot on my arm too. I think it's a little too concentrated for me BUT I haven't tried it in my hair at all, which is says you can also do. I don't know the staying power of this glitter as a hair product, but you can can always try! It just made me look like a 4 year old got into a tub of glitter, which I surprisingly didn't like. 

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Billie

What I bought: Razor Starter Kit

Where to buy: X

I've recently been very transparent in the fact that I have to shave my face. I was embarrassed about it for years (I still kind of am...) but I'm nothing if not honest. I keep seeing this razor on every social media account that I have so I finally messaged them and asked if their razors are okay on faces. My men's razor that I've been using for years has always hurt my face, to be honest. But Billie responded and said that their razors are totally fine for faces and have charcoal shave soap around the edges for a softer shave. 

I ordered the $9 starter kit that will give me new razors every 3 months for $9 (you can cancel at anytime!)

When the razor came, I was impressed with the packaging. It was very colorful and very on brand for them. I hung up the magnetic holder on my shower wall and then took a shower. When I was shaving, it didn't hurt at all. It actually felt like I wasn't even shaving! That put me off at first because I'm used to my face hurting. I did have to go over some spots a couple times because the razor didn't shave it enough, but it felt great while in the shower. 

When I got out of the shower, my neck (where I mostly shave) was REAL red. It looked inflamed a bit. Now, I've had it much MORE inflamed before and this was the first time I used the razor so it could have been just the sharpness of the blades. I'm still going to keep using it because I like how it doesn't hurt my face in the shower.

I have a friend who uses it on her legs (most likely the intended purpose of this razor) and she loves it. It just gives her a really clean shave. I haven't tried the other competitor brand of Billie, Athena Club, but maybe one day I will, just to compare!

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So those are just a few I've tried recently! I have some things coming in the mail soon like those star pimple patches and gummy hair vitamins and I'll give a review for those too when the time comes. Have you guys tried any of the things above? I'd love to hear of your experiences and if this review helped any of you!

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What I've Learned About Food

I have always had an addiction to food. In high school, I was put in a hospital and diagnosed with "binge eating disorder". I mean, yeah I ate a lot back then. I was a depressed teenager who always turned to food. 

Fast forward to my adult years and my food addiction got worse. I would eat 3 meals a day, with multiple snacks, then eat a 4th meal at night if friends wanted to go for dinner. My second dinner. It just got really bad. I've weighed the most I've ever weighed and even though I carry my weight well, I was about 40 pounds away from 300 pounds. 

If you've read my blog post about my life update in April (which you can read here: X), I now have diabetes. My mom's side of the family has it and with all my bad eating, it was kind of inevitable. I was a constant snacker to the point of having a fatty liver. It was a whirlwind month. I went to the ER, I had so many blood tests taken, and I found out my liver enzymes were so high my doctor told me "there's so much wrong with you" with a sigh.  

So when I got an email of a woman named Julie, I was ticked. Julie said she was a dietitian that my doctor ordered for me. Which I forgot he said to me and I felt even worse than I was already feeling. A dietitian? I can't even last a week on a diet! I was already having this whole lifestyle change and now I needed appointments about what to EAT?! 

As it turned out, Julie was a godsend. As of right now, it's only an over the phone appointment but I take notes every time and give updates on my health and ask questions to her. She has taught me so much about reading food labels, keeping my blood sugar down, and not totally judging me when I say I haven't exercised in a week. 

For this post, I wanted to share what I've learned from Julie because I think some people will get some use out of it like I did! Now, I'm no expert on food and every person is different, but I'm going to put down some things I've learned and things I've found on my own!

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* Diabetes is all about carbs, not sugar. I, MYSELF, can only have 185 carbs per day: 50 carbs for meals and 35 carbs total for a snack. READ THOSE LABELS, PEOPLE. 

* Gluten-free does not mean healthy. Carbs in gluten free are so high. I looked at gluten free pasta and gluten free bread and SHESH. I don't remember the exact number but it was so much more than I expected. 

* Finding low carb pasta sucks. Red lentil pasta? 34g of carbs PER SERVING! I don't even like lentils but I was willing to try it because I miss pasta. But not after seeing that carb count. I asked Julie if I can have mac and cheese and she said I can only have a cup of it. Sooooo.....I won't even try to have it, I guess. 

* Eating nothing after 8 pm has done amazing things to lower my blood sugar. It'll be much harder for me once lockdown is over because I go out after 8 sometimes to a bar or out to eat. But so far, it's working!

* 64 oz of water! I have to fill up my water bottle 3 times a day in order to get 68 oz and it can be hard some days, especially when I'm hard at work, but you're body will say "hey thanks!"

* Don't eat nuts that are in chocolate bars. Apparently, those have more fat than people realize. Who knew?!

* I used to love juice but it's not really that good for you. SO much sugar. I switched to MIO, those flavor drops that go in your water. Zero sugar, zero carbs, and it tastes so flavorful. I always use it when I need a juice fix. 

* NO WHITE BREAD!! AHHHHHHHH! The hardest thing of my LIFE. So, white bread will make your blood sugar skyrocket then crash and hour later. It's so bad for you. I have switched to no carb bread that I found at Aldi. It's by the brand Loven Fresh. It really has no taste and you have to get used to it. 

* MIO has something called MIO Energy. It's just the same drops but with caffeine. I asked Julie if it was okay to drink. It's not. It has something called Guarana, which is an off brand sugar of a regular sugar that was taken off the shelves because it was giving people heart attacks and killing them. So, NO MIO ENERGY, GUYS! Just regular MIO, please. 

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Now, I have to lose 6 pounds by October for my insurance to pay for my dietitian. I've already lost 7 pounds and it's only May! So I'm hoping to keep losing weight. I need to exercise more, to be honest, but I'm on the right track.  

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