I Like You but Not Like That

Sexuality is a scary word for a lot of people.

 

Society has told everyone that the norm is to be heterosexual (straight) since the beginning of time. I’m being a bit dramatic on the timing there, but being heterosexual is what has been around for a long time and what has been accepted forever.

 

Then homosexuality (gay) became more accepted. Gay rights, free to love who you love. There are still people who don’t accept homosexuality because they’re still stuck in the ways of everyone being heterosexual. But there has been a lot of progress for gay rights in the 21^st century (AS THERE SHOULD BE!!) and lots of slogans of “love is love.”

 

As time goes by, sexuality broadens. There are different umbrellas of preferences and what people do and do not like. Bisexuality is very prominent in today’s culture but there’s more to just liking male or females. Now, I won’t get into all the different sexualities and preferences (you can Google that) because I’m here to talk about one that isn’t widely accepted.

Asexuality.

 

Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity.

 

When I was younger, I always had crushes on boys. I was definitely a straight white female. As I approached adulthood, I still had crushes on guys but...that was it. Thinking of getting intimate with someone made me outwardly cringe. Most of my friends know about the guy in my early college career that I wanted to date. He didn’t even like me, he just wanted to use me (as I later realized). I refused physical contact with him, even though I liked him at the time.

 

What was WRONG with me?! Why couldn’t I have sex with him like he wanted? Was I broken?

That was a big word that lasted a long time in my life: “Broken.”

 

As I entered my early twenties, I didn’t know what was wrong with me. There WAS something wrong, though, I was sure of it. My friends were getting married and having kids and I just...didn’t want that. I looked deeper in myself and then came to the conclusion I was bisexual. Women were beautiful, but no...I wasn’t attracted to them. I then tried to place my gender into my sexuality at the time (which was a soul searching thing and I had to tell myself later on that gender and sexuality are different things.) I was so confused because I didn’t like ANYTHING. I didn’t want anything!!!!

 

I then came across the phrase “asexual” on Google. I was scared to give myself that label because of me already thinking I was a ton of different ones already. But it really seemed to fit me. I told my mom about it and she was confused, of course, because being asexual isn’t “normal” (hello again heterosexual world!) and she didn’t know what it was. We talked about it and I was absolutely enthralled when my mom said “Yeah, I see that in you.”

 

A few years went by and here’s the comments I received when telling some close people I was asexual:

“So...you’re like a tree? You just...exist?”

 

“Oh, you’ll change your mind one day!”

“You’re just insecure with yourself. Once you lose weight you’ll like yourself more.”

 

“You haven’t explored enough to know your sexuality”

 

So, that’s when I stopped telling people. I kept getting hurt. I told myself I would never give my parents grandkids or a son in law or a white picket fence fantasy, which hurt even more.

 

Having sex is the only way this world turns.

 

RIGHT?!

(This is me inserting an eye rolling emoji because that’s how most people think still).

 

 

Why is me being asexual such a burden in other people’s lives? Yes, I still get butterflies when I like a guy (which is called Heteroromantic. I’m straight and have happy feelings when I like someone, but it’s rare) but no, I don’t want to have anything past that (which is the asexual part).

 

I just want you ALL to know: I can have a fullfilling life, too.

 

 

I have married friends who are asexual. Yes, you CAN get married and love someone while being asexual. Everyone is different and your sexuality is different from other people, too.

 

I went to a Pride bar crawl last year and I wore an Ace (short for asexual) colored bandana. I was the only one who was wearing those colors but I wasn’t judged for the first time in my life. A girl I know came up to me and said “I didn’t know you were asexual” and I had the whole “I don’t tell anyone because everyone gets upset at me” speech and this girl looked me in the eyes and goes “You need to be who YOU are. I accept you.” (Yes, I am currently crying while writing this paragraph).

 

Why am I writing this post? Because I finally want to say it all.

Is this my “coming out” post for my friends who don’t know? Probably.

 

Will I willing tell people that I’m asexual? Probably not.

 

I cry every time I talk about my sexuality. It’s not something I want (I’m just being honest) but I have to learn to live my life. I have to learn that I won’t be accepted with some people in that way.

 

I’m already a badass, I can only go up from here.

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I finished the book, Ace by Angela Chen, last night. Highly recommended by me! Click here to check it out! 

P.s. If you have any (appropriate and non hurtful) questions about any of this, I can try and answer the best I can :) 

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Where I Get My Cute Clothes for Less

 I get a lot of questions about my outfits. Where do I get them? Do I spend a lot of money on clothes? And my favorite: how do I pull off all these outfits? ( I put that last one in because I get it a lot but it also inflates my ego). 

I wanted to make a post on where I shop and give ideas how to be cute while saving money!

I have to put on here that I am a plus sized lady so I'm used to plus size clothes, but I will also be putting other sizes on here. I just want to be inclusive and write about all sizes :) 

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SHEIN

A couple years ago, Shein was known as a cheap, overseas clothing brand and it really wasn't worth your money. 

Oh how times have changed.

These days, Shein is still located in China but they have upped their game. I have been buying their plus sizes items for about a year now and 9/10 times, everything has looked so good and actually fit me. I am a 3XL right now and it's hard to find cute clothes in my size that aren't expensive. Until I tried Shein last year. I'm going to write some Shein tips below from what I've learned by shopping with them!

*Always go up a size. This is for every size. It's still a Chinese store and they still run a bit small. If it's a baggy item, you might get away with your usual size, though! For plus size, I would definitely go up a size. 

*I'm iffy about Shein pants. Every bottom I've bought with a zipper never zips! I've even tried 2 sizes up once! I then bought a pair of pants that were stretchy and they were amazing. I no longer buy clothes or pants with zippers on Shein, though. 

*Denim on Shein has never done me good. I have tried pants and overalls. Both times, I couldn't even get them over my thighs (and let me tell you, I have oddly skinny legs). I know denim tops are high fashion right now, but you won't catch me buying Shein denim (sorry Shein!!)

*The quality of clothes? AMAZING. I have yet to be disappointed with the fabric of each item. I've had silk, polyester, and cotton. Most of them aren't thin and the 2 items that were thin, I just wore a white tank underneath. They also are great in the wash, if you follow the instructions. I would air dry if you're afraid, but I never have and my items are all in great shape. 

*Shipping is faster than you realize. I've bought some clothes and then they're all shipped the same day. The shipping email gives a long time for it to be delivered, but I usually get my items in two weeks or less! Each item is packed in individual bags, too, and I love that.

I need to stop my Shein rant. Here's some selfies (mostly from work) of my outfits for Shien!!!

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TARGET

Yes, Target is super popular, possibly cliche. And I'm the first person to admit that their plus size line, Ava and Viv is...kind of boring? I mean, it's good if you need a plain shirt (which I have definitely bough there), but nothing really fashionable is happening with Ava and Viv. There are some super cute clothes for size S-XL with A New Day, Universal Thread, and Wild Fable. But for this one, I'm going to stick with how I find my cute PLUS SIZE Target clothes.

* On Target.com, type in Wild Fable Plus. It's a hit or miss on fashion seasons with Wild Fable (I personally liked the winter/new year clothes usually). But it's always worth checking out once in a while. Some clothes won't fit right and some clothes are really form fitting, which isn't always comfy for plus size. BUT the best part is: you can return them at the Target store if they don't fit! I live 5 minutes away from Target so I'm BLESSED in that aspect. 

*Target x Designer Collection. Target used to have some really fun collaborations with designers. Although their collabs these days aren't as cool as they used to be, there's usually some treasures I find in those collections. I have to say that I was OBSESSED with when Love Shack Fancy and Rodarte had their designer collection at Target and so far, no one has beat those for me. But what happens with designer collections is that Target will show a sneak peak on their app so you know what clothes you want to get when they go on sale. I look at the sneak peak and make sure I know what I want (if anything). The collections are always more expensive, so I make sure I have enough money for what I want (LOL). They usually go on sale at 2 AM CST on their allotted day. If there is something that I  HAVE to buy, I will get up at 1:55 AM because these collections usually sell out. The plus size options are usually the exact same as regular sizes and I absolutely love that. I have returned a good amount of designer collections clothes, though, because it's hard to see how they fit if they're online, you know? But the ones I've kept usually are a huge hit with my fashion friends!

(Love Shack Fancy x Target dress)

(Love Shack Fancy x Target pink dress)

(Designer collection sweater)

(Rixo x Target dress)

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FOREVER 21

I recently talked with someone about how Forever 21 doesn't have an amazing store with clothes, especially for plus size. I have bought more online than I have in store. I also frequent the sale section. I never bought a full priced item online at Forever 21. I think I have bought a full priced item once in the actual store, though...but I think I find some gems in the sale sections. I definitely recommend buying online because you have so many more options. If I REALLY don't like something, I can drive a bit to a store and return it. I like buying funky pants from Forever 21. My favorite pants store!

(Pants from Forever 21 & shirt from Juicy Couture collab with Forever 21)

(Sparkle pants from Forever 21  /  Top from H&M)

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OTHER CHEAP BUT CUTE PLACES I SHOP

*H&M (only their sale section). I have found cute dresses on sale in store for $7. You can't beat that!

*Thrift stores. Goodwill has raised their prices way too much for me, so I usually shop at local stores for clothes when I can! I actually bought all my clothes for models for a photoshoot project at a local thrift store and they were PERFECT.

*ASOS (only their sale section). ASOS online has had some great sales. I have bought a ton of dresses from their site and have not had any that I needed to return. Their shoes, though, have never fit quite right on me. 

(Never Fully Dressed by ASOS dress)

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If you guys have any places you shop that save money, let me know! I'd love to hear about them!

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