I have never seen the movie Little Women. Any of them. I have never read the book. I knew nothing about it, but I thought it was an old Jane Austen type of thing and those novels and movies
kind of bore me. So I never bothered to get into it. Until my mother said to me the other day “will you go see the new Little Women with me?” I stared at her, not really wanting to go. I really loved some of the
actors in the movie, so what was the harm? I gave in and my mom and I planned a day.
When the day came around, my mom chose to go to the 1:30 pm showing at the movie theater. I decided to take a quick nap at 12:15 pm because I was super tired. I got woken up at 1 pm by my mom peering at me:
“you ready to go?” No, I wasn’t. I was still tired and I ALMOST said to her that I was going to stay home. But I got up anyway and we were off to see the movie.
We arrived at the theater, bought
our tickets, and took a seat. I had not seen one trailer for this movie and I didn’t let my mom tell me anything except when she said “I want you to see this movie because I think you can relate to Jo. You’re
both writers who don’t want kids or marriage!”
I had no idea who “Jo” was.
Then the movie began. It was a RIDE. I guess the director of this version made it a bit different than the other ones, so I don’t want to give anything away that would be a spoiler, but I cried. A lot.
I found out who Jo was (she was the main character). I cried when certain things happened but I cried the most at a part where Jo was talking to her mother. Jo shouts:
“Women, they have minds, and they have souls, as well as just hearts. And they’ve got ambition, and they’ve got talent, as well as just beauty. I’m so sick of
people saying that love is just all a woman is fit for. I’m so sick of it! But I’m so lonely.”
I swear I was going sob. My mom handed me a tissue. I didn’t want her to know that I was crying hard, so I pretended the tissue wasn’t on my lap. But tears kept running down my face and I
used all my face muscles to not open my mouth and make a noise. I then grabbed that tissue.
Why was I crying so hard?
Because I could RELATE. That quote struck my heart with un-sanded arrow.
Now, I’d like a backtrack real fast. I made a Facebook status about a month ago where I told of the instance of where a girl asked me “if you don’t want to have kids or get married,
what do you want to do instead?” I got many comments on the status that said “you’ll get married, don’t worry! You’ll have kids, just wait!”
I am in no way trying to be rude to
any of the amazing commenters/friends I had on that status, but I got angry. I teared up. I don’t think they understood that I DON’T want that.
Why am I, as a woman, always being forced to think about the age I’ll have children or what man I’ll marry that will provide for me?
Why can’t I do it alone?
Why am I connecting to Jo March in the Little Women movie when it’s almost 2020?
And you know what, just one more “why” for you:
WHY CAN’T I DEFY THESE EXPECTATIONS?
I understand completely that some women want what I don’t, but why I am always being pushed towards a life that’s not fit for me?
Jo told Meg in the movie not to marry John because Jo didn’t want Meg to leave her. But she didn’t push her. She knew Meg wanted to marry John. Meg then said to Jo “don’t worry, your time will come” and Jo wasn’t a fan of
those words. She didn’t get angry, she just pushed them aside.
“We have to find you a boyfriend” is something that is said to me CONSTANTLY. It’s tiring. And also very embarrassing. But I now just push it aside. I need a man to make me happy?
The end of the original quote struck me the most. “I’m so lonely.” Jo goes on this short rant how women are more that just love but then she ends up confessing her loneliness.
You
can not want to marry but still be lonely.
I am.
My mother asked me “how did you like the movie?” when it finished and we got to the parking lot.
“I....don’t want to talk about it.” I replied. My mom said “okay”
with a strange look on her face. Then, I broke down in sobs, in the middle of the public parking lot.
I got ushered to our car that was nearby and just sat, talking to my mother about how women tell me all the time that I’ll change my mind about kids and marriage. I get told that I need a boyfriend;
how I HAVE to sign up for dating apps. Yes, I get lonely when I’m the third wheel at outings and yes, I would love to have just one person I can talk to instead of separate friends who care about separate things. Maybe I miss holding someone's hand.
But for now, I love my life how it is. I don’t need my own intimate family to make me happy.
Jo got her happy ending without kids and getting married.
Why can’t I have mine?
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