Mental Health Awareness 2020

I wanted to save this post until the last day of May 2020. 

The last day of Mental Health Awareness Month of this year.

Why didn't I post earlier? Maybe on May 1st? Well, because even though Mental Health Awareness Month is helpful to stop the stigma, we need to keep the conversation going 24/7, 365. 

I have written a book about my mental health and my journey with it early on (you can click HERE to buy my book! Or just check it out! Whatever you please!). But I haven't really talked about it on this blog. I never wanted to "taint" this positive blog with what I'm mentally going through. Who wants to read about that?

Well, I think it's time I spoke about what I have to my blog followers and how I cope. Nothing too negative, even though mental health isn't all daisies and rainbows.

So let's start:

I am not bipolar 2. I HAVE bipolar 2. Mental illness is not who I am as a person, it's just something that tags along with me. 

And I'd like to talk about bipolar in this post. 

Long story very short, I was diagnosed with depression when I was around 7 years and at 14 years old, I was diagnosed bipolar. 

There is bipolar 1 and bipolar 2. I have 2. What's the difference? Here's what it is according to Google:

"The main difference between bipolar 1 and bipolar 2 disorders lies in the severity of the manic episodes caused by each type. A person with bipolar 1 will experience a full manic episode, while a person with bipolar 2 will experience only a hypomanic episode (a period that's less severe than a full manic episode)"

But according to ME, bipolar 2 has more anger and more depression stages than bipolar 1. I'm NOT a doctor though, it's just what I've found out in my 12 years living with it so far. 

I never had hypomania until 2019. 11 years after being diagnosed. This is hypomania is according to Google:

"A hypomanic episode is an emotional state characterized by a distinct period of persistently elevated, expansive, or irritable mood, lasting throughout at least four (4) consecutive days. The mood must be present for most of the day, nearly every day"

I freaked the freak out when I had my first episode. WHAT was going on? I never had this elated feeling before where I was shaking and couldn't calm down. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't stop checking my phone. 

That was when I started my manic episodes. I have them more and more now. I don't know why. But they have interfered with my job before (just no one knows because I don't tell anyone).

I honestly haven't had one since February but I still can't control them. The thing is, it's still HYPOmania, not real mania. I'm not driving to California on whim (although I think of doing it...), I'm just shaking and scared and I don't know anyone who can help. So I have to let the episodes run it's course and it can be really unnerving. 

My mom said once, bipolar is sometimes not 'day by day' but 'minute by minute' . I agree. 

I'm going to be transparent and tell you guys that I have taken mood stabilizers since I was 7 years old. I STILL take them. It takes a while to find the right one or the right combo, but I stuck with it and as of right now, I'm in a good place. 

I still had terrible days, of course, but I don't want to end my life anymore. I used to want that so bad. But hey, I would miss Harry Styles WAY too much, okay?!

AND NOW, I'd like to tell you how I'm getting by these crazy days!

(P.s. if you told 14 year old Megan that I would be using coping skills in my life, she would have either laughed in your face or gotten so angry that she would have spit while she swore at you. She wasn't the nicest....)

Here's a list of things that keep me a bit more sane:

1) Having a support system. People always tell me they don't have a support system. They don't have a family member to talk with, a friend to turn to, or a doctor to help. It always makes me sad. I never knew I was really lucky until a couple years ago. I have my mom, who is my best friend and my biggest hero. I have my friends, who are always there to cheer me up. And I have my doctor, who is on my side to helping me get better.

2) The art of talking. I don't want to START the conversation of mental health because I think it already has been started. I want to CONTINUE  it. With my book and social media in general, I am not afraid to tell my story. I am not scared to say I'm struggling. I think one reason I am on this Earth is to be a friend and to help stop the stigma. LET'S KEEP TALKING ABOUT IT!! 

3) Medication. I know many people who refuse to take medications. Either because they think it's poisoning their body or they just don't think they work for them. Trust me, I felt the same way when I was younger. But my mood stabilizers have saved me. Medications help me have a clearer path on this road of life. It took YEARS to find the ones that were good for me, so if you don't think they work, please at least give them the chance if you are willing! If you still don't want to take them, that's definitely your choice. 

4) Having a hobby. We all need a hobby, no matter how stubborn you are. You don't even have to be good at it! Just something that you enjoy. My hobby is writing. I really like my fingers hitting the keyboard and then somehow coming up with a really good written piece. It's magical to me. I love seeing everyone try new hobbies (god knows I've tried hundreds it feels like!). Having something I enjoy doing makes my heart happy. Also, people keep saying I'm "good at writing", so I guess I'll keep at it ;)

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I want to end this by saying that my email is always open of anyone wants to ask a question at all or want to tell me anything that you need to get off your chest about mental health!! You can email me HERE. If you liked this post, please leave a comment and let me know if you learned anything! I was very much scared to write this on my blog, so I hope you guys liked it!