Tell Them That it's My Birthday

I wrote a birthday post last year but to be completely honest, I didn't have as many followers last year and some people have no idea what my birthday means to me. 

SO I'M GOING TO MAKE ANOTHER POST! 

Let's start when I was a wee little middle school-er. I loved having birthday parties. I always had a theme and always felt so special during those. Then high school came around and I really only remember having one birthday party (I could have had more, I just...don't remember). Then in college, I suddenly hated getting older.

As an 18 year old, I knew I never wanted to live past 21 years old. I always felt when I was younger that I was going to die young and as I got older, I knew how to make that happen. My mental illness always seemed to get the best of me. After many suicide attempts in my life, my 21 first birthday was spent in the mental health hospital because of me trying to take my life again. 

I remember that hospital stay was awful for me. Because of me. I never went to groups, I always stayed in my room and slept on the hard bed. But when my birthday came around, I went into the common room the day before, busted out some paper and crayons, and drew my 2 favorite bands at the time: 5 Second of Summer and One Direction. 

I went to sleep on my birthday eve with those badly drawn pictures propped up on my night stand so they'd be the first thing I saw when I woke up.

I woke up on that day, July 25th, 2014, and went into the common room for breakfast. I was getting told "happy birthday" from nurses I didn't know and my name was written on the dry erase board telling everyone that today was my special day. 

The minute I walked into the common room at 8 am, all the people there yelled "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!" to me. I was given a card by someone I didn't know.

Everyone had decorated and signed a birthday card for me. 

I want to put it out there that I barely talked to anyone during that hospital stay. I didn't even leave my room. I only talked to people during meal times and I guess I made an impact because those wonderful people took time out of their day to make ME a card. 

I still have that card. I only talk to one person still out of about 30 people who signed it. It will forever be my favorite birthday memory, even though it's a little strange. 

After that, I knew how special my birthday's from then on would be. 

Not because I was getting older, but because I was alive.

_____

I asked what people's favorite birthday memories were on Instagram and my friend Amira responded with "My favorite was my first birthday with my stepdad! I finally felt like I had a dad."

My other friend Ariel said her favorite birthday memory was "Being in Florida on my 20th birthday and going parasailing". 

I feel like you can't plan birthday memories, but there are always ones that stick with you. 

Nowadays, I go ALL out. Let me tell you about July 25th 2020:

-My birthday theme is flowers

-I have a blue flowered dress from the Target Designer collection that is a size smaller than my usual size (since all my weight loss and stuff) and it's SO pretty!

-I always start my actual birth day with going to Denny's for breakfast. It's a tradition. 

-I will be going to a flower field 2.5 hours away from my house with a few friends!

-Since I have diabetes for the first time this year, I'm having my friend make almond flour cookies in the shape of flowers (I'M SO PUMPED FOR THOSE). 

-The day after my actual birthday, I'm having a birthday party bonfire and my friend Lindsey is coming from out of town!! AHHHH!!! <3 

-My birthday party outfit it a white dress with little purple flowers on it, also from the Target Designer collection and ALSO a size smaller :) 

___

See? I told you I go crazy. My birthday is special to me and every "happy birthday" I get or every birthday card I receive, I want to cry a bit. 

I'm turning 27 this year on July 25th. 

6 years after my "year of death" to put it so boldly. 

And let me tell you, as of right now, every year of life gets better.